WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blow to hopes from conservatives that the former president would face severe consequences for allegedly overseeing an attempt to delegitimize the Trump presidency, Barack Obama argued that he can't be charged with treason since he wasn't born in America and isn't a legitimate American citizen.

Republicans acknowledged that they could be left without any legal recourse after President Obama absolved himself of any potential treason charge by reminding everyone that he couldn't face any consequences since he was never a citizen to begin with.

"I can't commit treason against America if I was never an American," Obama said confidently in a brief statement to reporters. "The Republicans have been cooking up wild schemes for years to try to hold me accountable for crimes against the United States. Unfortunately, as someone who was not born in America, I cannot be held to that standard. Nice try, but it won't work. Back to the drawing board."

Constitutional scholars agreed that Obama's defense was airtight. "It's an open and shut case," one expert said. "You can't hold someone accountable for betraying their allegiance to a country if they never had any allegiance to that country in the first place. It's a pretty genius move by President Obama here. Almost as genius as falsifying his birth certificate to get illegitimately elected president."

At publishing time, Obama and his legal counsel clarified that any and all illegal activity and wrongdoing committed during his presidency was exempt from legal penalty due to the fact that he was never legally president.

ワシントンD.C. — トランプ大統領の正当性を損なう企てを主導したとされる疑惑で、元大統領が厳しい結果に直面することを期待していた保守派にとって打撃となる中、バラク・オバマは、自分はアメリカで生まれていないため正当なアメリカ市民ではなく、反逆罪で訴追されることはないと主張した。

共和党は、オバマ大統領が自身が市民でないためいかなる結果も負わないと述べて、反逆罪の可能性を自ら免除したことで、法的手段が取れなくなる可能性を認めた。

「私はアメリカ人でないのだから、アメリカに対する反逆罪を犯すことはできない」とオバマは記者団への短い声明で自信を持って述べた。「共和党は長年、米国に対する犯罪で私を責任追及しようと突飛な計画を立ててきた。残念ながら、アメリカで生まれていない私はその基準で裁かれることはない。いい試みだったが、うまくいかないよ。もう一度やり直しだ。」

憲法学者たちは、オバマの弁護が完璧であることに同意した。「これは明白なケースだ」とある専門家は述べた。「そもそもその国に対する忠誠心がない者を、裏切り行為で責任追及することはできない。これはオバマ大統領の非常に賢い一手だ。出生証明書を偽造して不正に大統領に選ばれたのと同じくらい賢い。」

出版時点で、オバマと彼の法律顧問は、彼が法的に大統領ではなかったという事実により、大統領在任中に犯したあらゆる違法行為や不正行為は法的処罰から免除されると明確に述べた。